“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” ~ MOHANDAS GANDHI
Life can sometimes be a roller-coaster ride full of emotions. It is full of ups and downs and filled with many surprises along the way. It would be nice to think that one would always be happy and fulfilled, but unfortunately, that’s not reality. Sooner or later something along the way will throw you a curve ball, and you will wind up hurt. However, feeling hurt isn’t always a bad thing. It’s kind of a “wake-up call” that you can effectively use to go down a different path that will bring you a greater sense of fulfillment, happiness in the future, and growth.
Recently, I found myself in this position…Disappointed, broken hearted, and just plain ole hurt! I had allowed myself to be whisked away with emotions. I went into the situation with what I call, “eyes wide shut”. This is when your eyes only see what you want them to see, but all the while shutting them to what is real. Love can be a tricky thing if it’s not rooted and grounded in God. Of course He ultimately is love! When I thought about the reasons why I was feeling hurt, I realized it was based on my perspective of the situation and my unspoken, silent expectations. What this suggested was I was actually aggravating my feelings by thinking a certain way about the situation. This is very important, because the moment you transform your thinking, is the moment you shift your perspective of the situation and begin seeing things through new lenses — in more empowering ways.
So why might a person feeling hurt:
- You may feel hurt because someone did something or behaved in a certain way, and this has hurt your feelings.
- You may feel hurt because you have a victim mentality. You feel sorry for yourself and sorry for your life. Everything that happens to you seems like a direct personal attack.
- You may feel hurt because you have an unmet need for self-love. This “need” is craving for love and attention from others. This makes you very susceptible to people’s opinions and criticisms.
- You may feel hurt because you feel as though you’ve been betrayed, disrespected, rejected, deceived, let down, or unfairly accused or criticized.
- You may feel hurt because you lack attention to detail. Something has happened, however, things aren’t clear — there’s a misunderstanding resulting from a miscommunication.
In my case, I can honestly say I had unmet needs for love and attention, in addition to feelings of disrespect, rejection, and simply being let down by this person. Truthfully, all the signs where there but I failed to see them, because my eyes were wide shut; blinded by the warm, fuzzy feelings, the attention, and surface affection. The purpose of this post is not to put my business in the streets but it’s to share my thoughts on this subject…
No one likes being hurt by others. Of course in relationships there will be ups and downs, and possibly hurt feelings. You must realize you have control over your perceptions and can change them at any time; however, you don’t have control over other people’s opinions, behavior, and actions. People will at times say and do things that will hurt you. However, often these things have nothing to do with you but are rather based on people’s own insecurities and problems. For this very reason it’s important you don’t take things personally, catch every negative thought, and instead detach yourself from these emotional situations, and do so quickly.
You’re probably saying, “how do I do that?” Here’s what I am doing…
- Settle Down Your Emotions: I removed myself from the situation and took some time to calm my emotions and settle my mind. Ps…I also talked to God.
- What Really Happened: I reflected on the events that actually transpired not solely on my feelings.
- Resolve Your Feelings of Hurt: This is where you have the conversation with the other person. I have yet to have that conversation but it’s coming soon hopefully…lol.
- Make a Decision: You will have to make firm decision to move past these circumstances , forgive the other person, let go of your relationship, or simply distance yourself from the other person. I have decided to let go of the relationship, because I deserve better. Then…
- Focus on Your Blessings: re-prioritize and shift your focus onto more important and meaningful things
- Focus on Your Strengths: it’s important that you remind yourself of your strengths and the things that have brought you to this point in your life
- Let Go of Past Hurts: don’t allow your past hurts to haunt and aggravate the life you’re living today.
- Smile/Laugh: a smile can go a long way and laughter is good medicine for your mind
- Surround Yourself with Positive People: people that support you, build you, and help you comb through the situation
- Learn More about Yourself: This one is huge! This will give you an opportunity to learn more about your values, rules and personal expectations. This will give you the opportunity to learn more about others and about how you relate to other people socially and intimately. It will give you insight into people’s motives, feelings, and intentions. It even helps you get to know yourself and your emotional tendencies at a deeper level. And as you learn, you grow, and as you grow you will make better choices and decisions in the future that will help you to manage and minimize your feelings of hurt far more effectively.
Hope this helps you like it helped me.
Blessings, Toni Wynette